Misunderstanding. Promises, promises.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me, Le Art Boxians.  Not for any real reason.  I was just… moody.  I read An Almost Made Up Poem for the millionth time (it is my favorite, after all) and I just started… crying.  Like, little kid sobbing.  There is such beauty in it that I can’t even describe.  Maybe I feel like that girl is me, in a way.  Okay, okay.  That is EXACTLY the problem.  That girl is me.  I am the girl with the tiny hands and a crying bench next to the bridge over the river.  Of course, it doesn’t help that I was already moody because I was at work and I hate the shift I am on, I wish my body could just adapt to it, then I could just suck it up and get on with life.  No.  I wouldn’t.  Everything that I enjoy happens in the evenings while I am wasting away at the vampire life.  Damn.  Now I am all moody again.

d-d-d-d-digital j-j-j-j-journal … r-r-r-r-reverie … obnoxious, mindless works and words … we all go a little mad sometimes.

I promised myself that I wasn’t going to allow being stuck on second shift again to get me down or steal my creativity, although as I sit here hurriedly typing this post, I feel rushed and pissed off that I am stuck back on this suck shift again.  The bitch shift.  Dammit.

Anyway, I did manage to shoot something on Sunday. It isn’t an entirely original idea, the technique has been used in horror flicks for a long time, but it does sum up exactly how I have been feeling lately.  I just hate it when I am finally in a creative flow and then I look at the clock and it is time to go to work.  That’s why I hate this shift.  All of my daylight is wasted sleeping.  So I guess it is start shooting at night or stop shooting altogether, right?  We will see.  I don’t know of many portrait models who feel like shooting at three in the morning.  Selfies for DDDAAAAYYYYYYYYZZZZZZZ.

Anyway, here’s yesterday’s big emotional breakdown, as seen through my Canon.  Enjoy.

MISUNDERSTANDING Copyright 2015 Melissa S Jeffrey

MISUNDERSTANDING Copyright 2015 Melissa S Jeffrey

I am particularly glad that I did this before I put on any makeup.  I hate my face without makeup, and I hate that this makeupless face will be in my book, but every image is my baby and this one is no different.  I like that I am raw.  I like that I am not wearing a mask.  I like that I hate my face, I like being Plain Jane.  I like my freckles and my blemishes and that scar on my cheek.  I like my ghostly blonde eyebrows that match my ghostly blonde lashes and hair.  I like the dirt mark on the wall and the angle of the sunlight making my shadow.  I like it because I hate it and that is exactly what it’s like to be inside my head.

Until next time, Le Art Boxians.


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