Followers of my other blog know that I have been struggling with multiple mental disorders since I was a kid, namely major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias, and those are just the ones we have diagnosed so far. Yep, I am a nut-job. Hence, the crazy looking gnome that I decided was a good way to start off a post entitled “Sanctuary”.
See, the thing is, there are very few places that I know of in life that make me … less nut-jobby. One of those places that I have found is my aunt Karen’s deck, which has been the place that I would use for mental imagery in order to try to stop a panic attack. Hell, I have an app in my phone with customizable sounds and I made a continuous loop track of the sounds I would hear on the deck; wind chimes, birds, wind, sometimes I add in rain, and of course, city sounds. The app is called “Relax Melodies” and it is by far the best app I have ever tried to use to calm panic. *Ding! Shameless plug*
It was very unexpected that I would find a sanctuary in my own back yard. I have lived in this house for far too long and my back yard has noisy neighbors, yippy dogs next door, slamming doors, cars (I live on a main street), kids screaming in the pool in the yard behind mine, bees (I love ’em, but I am allergic), wriggly monster bugs (or by their scientific name, caterpillars), and flies that have the audacity to bite.
And then I found the winning combination.
Fill the bird feeder, lay the back seats flat in my Kia Soul (named Sodapop, in case you were wondering, although I think I have already mentioned that), and open up the hatch and park my ass … then wait.
The feeding frenzy was a mix of me smiling ear-to-ear, birds beating the crap out of each other, my cat Gizmo eyeballing me from the window, like, “bitch come play with me”, and the happiest I have been in my own yard in a long time.
So, these birds are all eyeing me like they are ready to peck my brains out, but they are also hungry, so they slowly started forgetting that I was there and started again beating each other up like the cafeteria in elementary school.
So at this point, I have completely forgotten about the scary ass gnome in my neighbor’s yard and am completely engrossed in watching these birds go nuts! I mean, I have always fancied birds, but I have a whole new appreciation for them after spending just a few minutes watching them work. They are crafty little suckers! Also, hungry.
These three pigeons chased all the little birds away with all their big-boy wing flapping, but the little guys, ever diligent (and hungry), fought back and gained their space back. I have to admit, everyone seems to hate pigeons (which is why I called them riff raff, I certainly have no reason to hate them). Everyone says they are like the rats of the bird world, that they carry diseases and eat trash. Well, call me crazy, but I want one of these winged vermin. I have been obsessed with them since I spotted one on a dock at Lake Champlain in Vermont.
So, while that ended up in a PSA-style tangent about how we should all love pigeons, really, I came here to reiterate to you (but really to me, since I am the one who always seems to forget this point), that sanctuary (and photo ops) happens everywhere around you, as long as you look.
Also, birds rule.
And be nicer to pigeons.