That’s all I can say. Slacker.
I have so much to do that I wanted to accomplish before the start of the new year, but whatever. It is what it is, right?
Anyway, I am one of those who makes resolutions and quietly tries to stick to them so there is absolutely NO accountability when I don’t accomplish them. The thing is, I DID accomplish last year’s resolutions, and you know what? I feel really good about it. So, I want to try it again.
What do I need to do to get that feeling of accomplishment again? I set out to get physically healthier, and I did that, and in so doing, I ended up healing myself mentally. I still have some things to work on there… most of my “mental” anguish these days is nothing triggered by physical issues. I stopped eating meat in July and I haven’t had any stomach pains or problems since. I started eating A LOT of fruits and veggies, and my mind is calmer now. I stopped eating as much refined sugar, and now I can tell when I have had too much based on what my brain starts doing. In other words, I got to know this body a little better, and what she needs to perform the way she is supposed to, and I am healing.
So, what was that other thing that I was always complaining about in therapy? I was CONSTANTLY putting myself down for being overweight, and I fixed it. What was the other thing?
Create every day.
Learn. Learn. Learn.
All of these things are related. If I learn more, I grow more, I produce more, and I see things in new ways.
Moving on to the point of this post…
I went and got myself a boyfriend. Like, a REAL one. One that really cares about ME as a person. I didn’t fall back on all those old habits, trying to see something that wasn’t there to prove to myself that I am worth a damn… This man, he actually sees in me those things I was always trying to prove to myself and others were always there…
Point 2, I decided that this year, I will create a book… a personal book… something to collect inspirations, something to pay homage to the artists who influenced me in some way, something to learn from, to study, and to keep for later in life, when I need to look back on what inspired me at 35 years old… photographers, painters, tattoo artists, poets, writers, graphic artists, whomever and whatever makes my pupils dilate…
Combining those two things, my first project of 2016 will be to get a photo of the person inspiring me most right now. You guessed it. Boyfriend. The goal of any photographer is to capture the pure essence of their subject. How do I do that with him? I can’t find the words to describe what his smile does to me. I can’t describe his laugh and do it any justice. How do I tell someone how lost I get in his eyes? Can I translate that into a photograph?
Challenge accepted. Heart, meet brain. Brain, heart. You’ve been working against each other for so long, maybe it is time to combine your forces and start creating something magical.