PERFUNCTORY 2016 *REVERIE* Melissa S Jeffrey
I haven’t forgotten about week 5’s challenge… which is Black and White… but I already got the images to fulfill that one, I just want to make sure I get week 4’s do-over so I can post them all at once later this week.
In the meantime, I mentioned the Random Word Generator that I use to get ideas for brainstorming here, and I am finding myself completely AWAKE while waiting for my sister to go in to labor. This should prove to be a bad thing later when I have to work overnight, but for now, I made brain noise and that’s important too. I randomized and got 5 words: UNION, PEACH, ALPHABETIC, ANYTIME, and CORROSIVE.
So, I half-heartedly made an attempt at writing a piece.
We came together, a union, a peach of a combination, talking of life and love, and how anytime, at any moment, it can all change, an alphabetic list of corrosive effects bringing all the walls down…
My heart wasn’t in it.
However, I did have a good time in the ol’ thesaurus finding synonyms for each of the words, I got stuck on virulent for some reason. I like the way it sounds. The definition is frightening, but the word sounds… tuff.
I came to the antonym harmless and then I got stuck on complimentary, synthesis, and infectious, and then somehow I landed on perfunctory. What a kick ass word. It is EXACTLY the thing in life that I am terrified of… lacking enthusiasm. Indifference. Apathy. Things started coming together in my mind at this point.
In between the nightmares that I have been having lately, I have been having dreams of finished photographs that I want to take. Is that weird? I fucking hope not, because it has been REALLY awesome dreaming these pics up before my awake brain even thinks once about it.
During last week’s horrible, horrible 5 day anxiety attack, Boyfriend stopped by my house in the middle of the night and left a single rose and a little stuffed bear in the door handle of my car while I struggled to sleep. I know, he’s pretty fantastic, right? I have walked past the rose 100x since then, but while I struggled to get some sleep today, I dreamed of the color red and the color blue. Perhaps it was because I finally watched Man of Steel over the weekend? Who knows. Anyway, my dream was vivid and colorful, with flashing blue and red, and when I woke up and my brain articulated itself, I had an image in my mind… the one pictured above, to be exact.
I wanted some film grain to mimic the dream, so I cranked up my ISO to 1600 (and added a little in PS in post), added a little dreamy blur to the image, and it was EXACTLY what my brain needed to stop the God awful humming it was doing.
I was awaiting a panic attack as my climax. Instead, I got an image. I got a few, actually.
Instead of letting the dream go with one image, I made a couple others, just to say I did it. I must say, I am rather liking this new thing where my brain pre-imagines things and all I have to do is execute. Honestly, I am just happy that my brain is doing something other than worrying.
PERFUNCTORY II 2016 *REVERIE* Melissa S Jeffrey
APATHY 2016 *REVERIE* Melissa S Jeffrey
And with that, my brain can stop the hum and whir of perfunctory red and blue, and I can concentrate on my week 4 headshot do-over. I have been dreaming of the images I would love to shoot to fulfill this challenge and I honestly can’t wait to get them on paper and out of my brain.
As for me, I will continue to anxiously await my nephew and I will TRY to get some sleep so I can work later. I know, easier said than done. Hey, I would MUCH rather be me lacking sleep because I want a nephew versus what my sister is about to go through 😉
Until next time, guys and ghouls, make love and images!