There may be a possibility that I take on too many projects.
As you know, I embarked on the Dogwood 52 Week Photo Challenge as a means to keep me shooting every week, and for a fun project to keep my brain moving. It has definitely achieved both of those purposes so far. For various reasons, not the least of which my horrible personality flaw of always needing validation in my life, I become increasingly discouraged when things don’t go as I plan. Horrible, horrible personality flaw, I know, but in my defense, struggling as I do with anxiety and depression, my creative mojo tends to go on lengthy vacations at the drop of a hat and then I am left with nothing, and it scares me when I am not creating, especially when I am creating and I run in to “road blocks.” I blame my brain… Anyway, minor setbacks for me equal a big deal, and I get quickly discouraged.
I won’t bore you further with the details of why I have been feeling discouraged, or why I have been stressing myself, but I have been… More than I let on. I would hate to admit that I am overly sensitive, but… Well, yeah, I am. The shoe not only fits, it will never come off.
What’s a girl to do? Why, overcompensate, of course!
I got so discouraged yesterday (was it only yesterday??) that I gave up. I gave up on photography, I gave up on writing this blog, I gave up on writing at all, I gave up on painting, and drawing, and sketching, and printing, and ideas in general. Who needs the burden, right? It isn’t as though I make money doing this anymore, so what’s the big deal if I give up?
My brain had other ideas, apparently, because no sooner had I declared myself done with the arts all together, ol’ Braino started flooding… I mean flooding with an idea for a short story. The spark had reignited and the fire burned hot once again. I actually blew up a pen while feverishly jotting notes.
I hurried home after work to start working on the new story right away. Of course, before I could do that, I got distracted by my Dogwood Challenge assignment for this week, which is “Transportation.” I shot a pic of my favorite form of transport just a few minutes ago, mind you, my preferred brand is Converse Chuck Taylors, but I think you get the idea.
These are the running shoes I keep at work in case I get an inkling to hit the gym after. That has literally never happened since I have been on second shift. Metaphors.
Anyway, last night before “running” home to work on my story idea, which is still tragically nameless as of now, I couldn’t help but have my attention span dashed by the flashing of my headlights as I unlocked my doors remotely. How had I never noticed this before? I’m not sure why the image struck me, or how it did for that matter, but it did.
I’ve honestly never found headlights to be all that intriguing… Until they were.
Anyway, the real “magic” didn’t happen until I was in the car and noticed my foggy speedometer. *Edit: By “magic” I mean being able to hand hold in 30 degree temps.)
Now, mind you, I fully intend to invest more time in to the Transportation Challenge, which is where the balancing act must come in to play. I have a social life, I have this second shift job taking up the absolute wrong hours of my days, I have Gracie Lynne Nobody, the character in my short story (who may become Gracie Lynne Anybody, just because), the Dogwood Challenge, all 9,000 other self-imposed projects I keep piling on, plus I started back with my personal trainer today and I am still supposed to go back to my therapist to sort out all my brain’s other maladies.
Oh, and let us not forget the holiday.
So, this is where we stand as of right now. I did manage to get the camera out and shoot for the week, and I intend to keep growing the collection of shots I get after the challenge week ends. I will write my short and I will share it here, because Gracie Lynne Nobody deserves to live just as much as any photo I shoot deserves it. I can’t complain about the influx of ideas, since it is never a guarantee that they will stick around, or worse yet, they may stop coming to me at all eventually. Until they do, I will continue to fight to get them on paper. That’s what I am here for, after all.
Until next we meet (hopefully amongst the tale of Gracie Lynne Nobody!), my apologies for any formatting fiascos, as I typed this on a tablet… 😬