It has been so damn long that I don’t even remember the last time I posted here. Needless to say (but I will anyway) I have been incredibly busy for about a month now. It has been great in some ways and really shitty in others…
I got engaged! That’s awesome news. I never thought I would be a fiance… but I am now.
We raised almost $1,000 for the Lung Force Walk that we participated in on May 14th, so that was better than I anticipated.
I entered a peer juried photography show, and my submissions sadly did not make the cut.
I was told, however, that this shot made it into the final round of judging. I was pretty excited to see my work in a show, but I guess I have plenty of time to decide if I want to put myself back out there again. That was incredibly hard for me.
Boyfriend (now fiance) proposed to me on a ferry in Seattle, which was incredible. I never thought I would find myself on a ferry to Seattle, let alone having the love of my life propose to me on one… I guess I just never anticipated that I was ever “good” enough to be a wife. He seems to think I am. 🙂 We bought my ring spontaneously in a shop called The Raven’s Nest, which is pretty perfect for me, and we bought it from an elderly woman behind the counter, which, happens to be one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs (Eldrely Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town) so, that was pretty serendipitous. Now we are on the house hunt, which is… well, terrifying, honestly. A HOMEOWNER??? When did I become a friggin’ adult??
I have been really anxious lately. I’m not entirely sure why, but I am getting sneaking suspicions from my journal entries. I have been incredibly busy over the last few weeks, and I really haven’t had a lot of time to decompress. Every time I have an idea that I want to run with, I end up abandoning it because everything feels so forced, being on second shift. I have always said that this shift drains my soul, and it is true. I guess I should just be thankful that I have a job, but I have spent my entire adult life working on shifts that I hate and putting off the things that make me truly happy in order to always put my job first. I am coming to an age where I am realizing that I haven’t fulfilled (or even attempted to fulfill) any of those goals and dreams that I had for myself when I was younger. This peer show that I failed to get in to was the first time I ever put my work out to be judged like that. It was the first I had ever attempted to get my work on a gallery wall. Twenty year old me would be furious with thirty-five year old me. As I am typing this entry, I am also scanning pages from a book that I wrote when I was eleven. All I remember from being a kid was wanting to make art all the time. I wanted to draw cartoons (which is the excuse I use when people ask me why I still watch cartoons *winks*). I have fallen so far out of practice with drawing that my “skills” haulted at the eleven year old level. Every time I pick up a pencil, I get discouraged. Some plan, huh? God damn, I was a weirdo eleven year old though… this book…
So here I am. I found out from work that I have been pursuing a goal there that does not exist (thanks for letting me know that a damn year ago, guys), and that I would have to take a demotion and a pay cut to get on the shift that I want to be on. My choices are: take the cut, do photography and practice art and still have time to do all the household things that need done (I spent 1/4 of my 2 hours of “home time” putting clean sheets on my bed) and still have time to spend with fiance, or stay on second shift, continue spending only an hour or so of time each night with fiance before he goes to sleep, and two hours every morning trying to cram in art, photos, gym, household shit, visit family and friends, etc. and live my life completely on weekends… or go back to third shift, and then I will never see people again.
I don’t like my choices.
What happened to my creativity?? I am looking at a drawing in this book of a dude and a gnome and the caption reads “I think you kind of killed her.”
WHAT? I think I need to re-read this book. Like I said… weirdo.
Oh, shit… it gets better…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I was born at Marymount Hospital. My life wasn’t very long and it wasn’t very exciting either.
Fuckin’ hell, I was a cynical little shit back then, too. Eleven. WTF?
I guess people never change…